I don’t know why, but it always makes me feel a tad better.

‘Weird’ would be my middle name (if I were an ang moh that is).

I don’t know what people want from me just as much as I don’t know what I need from them.

Life seems so much more simpler back home.

This VLAERO+ software is killing me.

400+ pages thick User’s Manual, none of the lecturers have used it before, its so rarely used that there ain’t any books at the library where I can borrow nor is there any forum which provides you with more friendly help.

I am on my own, with this book of ET-like language instructions.

Shit. And there’s some bug with this software which I had to e-mail the technical support in US on my own coz like I said before none of my lecturers have used it before. Turns out I have to download the latest version. The one that the the lab technician gave me isn’t updated. BUT, I can’t install the latest version. I don’t know why. Sigh.

And I can’t e-mail the technical support guy rightaway as I ain’t sure whether there is some special way to install it as I am sorta using this software ‘illegally’ coz my lecturer gave  me the one of the very few license to it.

Gah.

I am so stuck.

Even following the tutorials is hard. I don’t know how the input data comes about and how to interpret the results. The method behind the software is just too confusing. One semester of Foundations to Aeronautics is so little, close to zilch compared to what I am about to face.

I have been spoonfed throughout my primary, secondary and even tertiary education.

It’s about time I took initiative to do what a almost-to-be-final-year-student is supposed to do .

A few more days till I’m officially an adult.

I am already starting to feel old. Parents are already asking me to think about what I want to do after I get my degree. So far, studying in Hong Kong has really made me realize that living on my own isn’t going to be as hard as I thought it would be.

I used to dread opening my mouth to ask questions. Even asking for a larger size for a T-shirt would scare the crap out of me. But now, I go to the Immigration Tower alone for a reissuance of my No Objection Letter, take public transport all the way to Shatin for my first ever internship interview (which I screwed up anyways, oh well), ask technicians at the department for help (last time I used to be scared to go to the computer laboratory alone) etc.

Google Map does make things a whole lot easier for me too. Ha!

Lol. I am not sure what to blog about. I should be starting to work on the VLAERO+ software so that I’ll have some data to show my lecturer but I, as usual, am still procrastinating. There are many things I want to do. I want to practice basketball, nap a lot, read lots of novels, read up on the 400+ pages VLAERO+ software manual, play ping pong, PRACTICE GUITAR REGULARLY***

So much to do, yet most of my time is being wasted away by sleeping A LOT. It’s like I got infected from my hamsters or something. I wish the crazy one would infect me with its enthusiasm of working out on the wheel. Then I wouldn’t be complaining of being out of shape.

On a more random note: I realize my parents are somewhat strange, eccentric in some sense, which makes me wonder whether my ‘eccentricity’ (if any) comes from them. Gah. But the world does not evolve around me. (I have no idea what I am yakking about).

After surgery, the body attempts to develop a network of blood vessels in the new graft. This process, called revascularization, takes about 12 weeks. The graft is weakest during this time, which means it has a greater chance of stretching or rupturing. A stretched or torn graft can occur if you push yourself too hard during this period of recovery. When revascularization is complete, strength in the graft gradually builds. A second surgery may be needed to replace the graft if it is stretched or torn.

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My physiotherapist examined my knee and told me my knee did feel looser than before, but not to the extent that it is torn. However, she says I should see an orthopedic if I feel knocking the knee (which I do ) to be sure.

Sigh.

I will see the general doctor on campus this coming Wednesday, get a referral letter to Queen’s Mary Hospital.

My dear knee will have to wait until C++ and D&M projects are over.

This is killing me.

I am 99% positive that I might either have stretched or partially tore my patella tendon graft from that fall.

My knee feels loose again, not loose as before, but significantly. When I keep it bent at 90 degrees for a long period of time, and stretch it, it doesn’t hurt anymore unlike post-op.

Basketball, the money spent on surgery, the time spent on rehab…

I just want to cry.

Update:
*******
The feeling of reinjuring my knee again is by far the worst feeling I have ever had in my entire life. Probabaly on par with having a break up with it. No pun intended.

Update 2:
*********
Most of you might be thinking ‘so what, you just can’t play sports like you used to, at least you’re still able to walk’ or ‘you can go get another reconstruction if you’re that desperate lor’ or even ‘you shouldn’t do anymore sports’.

*TOUCHWOOD* Imagine a person who really loved drawing was to have his hand injured and to never regain his strength, or one who really loves going to the singing/karaoke-ing was to suddenly contract some weird-mutated-permanent laryngitis. *DOUBLE TOUCHWOOD*

You wouldn’t know what I am feeling or going through, nor do I expect you to understand. But sometimes, the words people say can be so cold.

My have things changed since high school. Now there’s not only the cage, sawdust and food to get, but also bathing powder and teeth gnawing stone to buy.

One gold male and a black female. Just like my first pair of hamsters in during high school.

I hope that this would give me a sense of comfort like it did in high school.

Gold one’s called Milk Tea and the black called Coffee. Mani helped me name them. She said it’d be good names for them as hopefully they’d be able to give me some energy since I’m always tired all the time. And if they have babies, they’d produce Yin Yong’s!

Goodnight 奶茶 and 咖啡. Sleep tight.

Bored, tired and fed up. I definitely know what I don’t want, but when you ask me ‘What is it then do you want?’. Answer: I have no freaking idea myself.

4 hours of sleep at night for 4 days in a row. I know many people probably do that during uni, but honestly, I hate it.

I have a C++ project presentation later in the morning. The information dialog is screwed up even though there doesn’t seem to be any error in it.

I want to do something ‘radical’ after it. Top on my list: Get two tortoises from MK. Next would probably be getting on a random bus. Or sitting inside the mtr back and forth while reading. Getting an air ticket and flying back to Malaysia (or to Taiwan since it’s so near) impromptu. Maybe take a ferry over to Macau. How about spending the night wandering around Mongkok aimlessly and then ‘hike’ back to Pokfulam. I don’t know.

But I have a feeling that I’d just lie in bed, and stare at the ceiling all day till the sun goes down. What joy. I don’t even have the creative to come up with something to do that would bring me remotely any thrill.

Lol. If any of my relatives see this, I would be expecting another very concerned MSN conversation bombardment from them. So, a note to them – I won’t do anything stupid. Do not worry. I am still able to think perfectly straight. Life just seems purposeless at the moment. That’s all.

Good morning.

This sudden seemingly irrealistic impulse derived from reading ‘The Alchemist’. It was so so. Talked about following your ‘Personal Legend’ and to follow your dreams, stuff like that.

I’d like to be a modern day gypsy, travelling from one place to another. I think I’d be fine looking at the fact that I love doing stuff alone. Oooh, I want to work in a animal conservation too! Engineering might be the ‘right’ course for me and my logical personality, but, now when I think about it, I’m not really sure that I want to spend my days holed up in an office cubicle, clicking the mouse away. Physical work has always made me happy. I remember I did such a good job in Junior One while cleaning the instruments of the Chinese Orchestra Club that they made me 清洁股 the next year. Lol.

Laugh at my wild and ridiculous you may, I just might do it (when I’ve gathered up my guts). :p